He ask me to marry him

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He comes like a lightning. He comes out of nowhere and swayed me. Without knocking, he just broke into my heart.

I know he since I was in college but I barely talk to him.Β  But his way just feel so special that I feel that I am special to him. We met once to talk about it, I’m not feeling bad. So we continue to talk by phone and texting for weeks and months.

And he ask me to marry him. All the feelings come to me at once. What should I say to him? Should I say yes? Or no?

He ask me, a 23 years old girl, to get married. Despite the happiness, I feel scared. I worry about my future. Can I become a good wife? Am I good enough to him? Is he the one that Allah destined to be my husband? All the bad thoughts keep coming. So I said, No. I said NO.

Oh my God, Ya Allah. Now I think about it, I feel so guilty. I was so immature back then. I don’t trust Allah enough to decide my step. I didn’t ask Allah about what should I do even after I ask him why he choose me and said that I appear on his dream after taking Istikharah prayer.

That’s my first proposal. He is the first one to propose to me. And me, just said No because I was afraid.

Ya Allah, please forgive my sin. Bless me with the one who you choose to be my spouse soon, the one who will lead me, the one who will make my Dunya and my Akhirah better, the one who will make me closer to You.

Aamiin Aamiin Ya Rabbal Al Aamiin

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I miss writing again

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You know that feeling when you want to write but you don’t know what to write?

That comes to me this days. I miss that time when I can write to 10 pages a day. That words, that sentences just comes from my head through my fingers smoothly. Well, I used to write in Bahasa. But now it feels awkward to write using formal language. And when I want to write in English I got stuck on my vocabulary. Fyuu~

Should I just writing in Bahasa despite the awkwardness I feel?

I had too much things on my head that so complicated to write. I start with the titles, and … nothing. I couldn’t write it. So sad 😦

HE, who once filled my heart with LOVE

He.. who once filled my heart with love

How we used to be so close, I can’t even remember how. It just happened like it has to be. With him for the first time I feel being loved and loving someone.

Dia yang sebenarnya sudah lama berada disekitarku, tiba-tiba masuk ke kehidupanku. Menjadi bagian dari hidupku, bagian dari hari-hari ku, bagian dari hatiku. For over than 2 years, I have never feel his existence. And suddenly my days becomes his. My days full of him. No day passed without him.

Kumulai hari ku dengan menyalakan komputer dan mengaktifkan aplikasi chatting ku. Aku bisa menghabiskan waktu berjam-jam duduk di depan komputer dan chatting hanya dengannya. Seharian bersama headset Bercerita hal yang terkadang sama sekali tidak penting, talking non-sense.

My days passed feeling the happiness. Is he my boy? Nope. We never state anything to our stats. In South Korea, they called it ‘some’. Just having a ‘something’ between us without any exact status. It was fun. But it was not last long.

Well, learning something here. Having relationship without commitment just wasted your time.

Anyway, you. Yes, You. The one who made me fluttering even just hearing your voice. The one who is willing tell the truth that this relationship will never work. The one who gave me a precious memories.
Thanks.

Love IS nothing

Love is crazy

Love is blind

Love has no rule

Love is tricky

You said “I love you”

Loving like it’s only us on this world

Loving like there is no tomorrow

Loving like they doesn’t matter

Loving like only our love is on top

Then you said “I don’t love you anymore”

Love becomes hurt

Love comes with pain

Love becomes dark

And LOVE turn into NOTHING

@drealb
October, 22 2016

Aku.. dan DIA

Aku mengenalnya
Aku menatapnya
Aku mengaguminya
Aku mencintainya

Dia tersenyum
Dia tampak bahagia
Dia cemberut
Dia tampak lelah

Aku mengenalnya
Aku merasakan yang dia rasakan
Aku tersenyum mewakili kebahagiannya
Aku menangis mewakili kesedihannya

Dia..
Dia takkan pernah menyadari bahwa aku ada
Aku..
Tetap mencintainya walau cintanya sama kepada semua penggemarnya

-Bisikan hati seorang fan girl-
@drealb
October, 21 2016